All were from rural areas of Missouri, Illinois, Oregon, Washington, or Idaho, places known for their “social conservatism and predominant white populations.” The sample skewed a bit on the older side, with 14 of the 19 men in their 50s or older, and most identified exclusively as exclusively or mostly straight, with a few responses along the lines of “Straight but bi, but more straight.” Silva sought to find out more about these men, so he recruited 19 from men-for-men casual-encounters boards on Craigslist and interviewed them, for about an hour and a half each, about their sexual habits, lives, and senses of identity. One relatively neglected such group, argues the University of Oregon sociology doctoral student Tony Silva in a new paper in Gender & Society, is rural, white, straight men (well, neglected if you set aside Brokeback Mountain). But not all straight MSM have gotten the same level of research attention. In it, Ward explored various subcultures in which what could be called “straight homosexual sex” abounds - not just in the ones you’d expect, like the military and fraternities, but also biker gangs and conservative suburban neighborhoods - to better understand how the participants in these encounters experienced and explained their attractions, identities, and rendezvous. Last year, NYU Press published the fascinating book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men by the University of California, Riverside, gender and sexuality professor Jane Ward. From the time I first met her, I loved how Eilís just takes life as it comes and makes the most of everything.Being Into Middle-Aged People Is Probably a Sexual Orientation “I’m the more grumpy one but we balance each other out. Sam admires his wife’s ability to keep her sense of humour, even when he loses his. It’s what he always wanted and he gives 100%.” He did it because he wants what’s best for his family. “When he retrained as a paramedic, it was really hard because he was away in Dublin a lot of the time. “I love that Sam has always been open to change,” says Eilís. Eilís is a youth worker, while Sam is a paramedic, and the couple have four children together. They moved in together in Kilkenny in 2012 and married the following year. “We’d known each other less than three months but it felt right,” he says. In October 2011, Sam’s mum died unexpectedly and Eilís offered to fly back to England with him to see his family. They met again over the next few weekends and soon became an official couple. “I had a beautiful sheepskin rug and her dog pooed all over it,” says Sam. “The dog had slid off the rock into the river and when I went to get him, it was too steep, and I fell in, too! It was absolutely baltic and Sam had to rescue both of us.” After changing into some dry camping gear, they went back to Sam’s house so she could shower. He soon discovered Eilís and her dog in the water below. “I went to the toilet and when I came back, she’d disappeared,” he says. He led her down to a large slab of rock overlooking a picturesque river. “We had separate rooms in a hostel overnight.” She arrived to discover that Sam had planned a picnic lunch. “It was a three-hour trip from Kilkenny and I took my dog,” she says. Two weeks later, they arranged a date: a hike in the Mourne mountains in Northern Ireland, near where Sam was living. He told me he wanted to settle down in a wooden house and have kids. “I couldn’t believe how straightforward he was, so open and honest. “We started sending each other long emails every day,” says Eilís.
He sent a text message the next day and asked for her email address. I remember thinking she had a nice big smile. I didn’t even know where he was from – it could have been the other side of the world,” she says. “I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper as there were no electronics permitted. On the last day, she decided to take the plunge.
Other than exchanging pleasantries, they barely spoke during the festival. I had offered to wash up in the cafe,” says Eilís.Īlthough she thought Sam was “lovely”, she was too shy to talk to him. “As soon as you arrive, you put your name on the volunteer list. Although he was officially a member of festival staff, everyone else pitched in to help, too.
“I was friends with the woman who ran the cafe and she offered me a free ticket to work there,” he says.